I met my now ex husband having escaped a previous convicted violent domestic abuse perpetrator and career criminal. I thought because my new partner was a police officer, that he wouldn’t be anything like my ex partner. How wrong was I!!! Initially I was blinded by the high degree of respect I held for him, thinking he was so admirable and morally abiding because he was a [redaction made for legal reasons] police officer.
The relationship began with him love bombing me, a term I now only know after having done extensive work to try and rebuild myself from two consecutive abusive narcissistic partners, and many rounds of therapy. He made me feel like I was the most important person in the world, until overnight I suddenly wasn’t. Unaware of what it was I had done wrong, I began trying to identify patterns of behaviour while still double guessing myself. I realised that he was a high function alcoholic with many counts of drink and driving under his belt for which he was never caught. To cut a long story short my short marriage to this man, was one of hell, and psychological warfare. Over the duration of our relationship he constantly belittled the way I looked, he would stonewall me, gaslight me, isolate me, he controlled my working environment once I also became a police officer, which I’ve subsequently since left due to the highly corrupt and toxic environment. He locked me in a car on two occasions knowing I was unable to get out due to a mechanical fault with his make and model of vehicle. These incidents caused me to suffer extreme panic attacks and has left me with PTSD. He shared a WhatsApp image by where he was mocking my appearance, he was abusive to our young child telling them that they had a big eye, gappy teeth, yellow hair and was emotionally dysfunctional because our child who was a toddler at the time did not want to speak to him on a FaceTime call. He left me feeling like I had nowhere to turn. He left two very young children [redaction made for legal reasons] which was all captured on cctv.
Further to all of this he is now [rank redacted for legal reasons] and has colluded with my ex partner who is a convicted criminal, and has been feeding him with sensitive information in which I’ve not given my permission to be shared but he has gained access to it due to incidents I’ve had to report to the police. Because of his [redaction made for legal reasons], he has allowed for my criminal ex partner to abuse the criminal and judicial justice systems, and has also assisted him with the parental alienation of children I share with the criminal ex partner, and has left me like I’ve nowhere to turn. It’s got to the point that the police are now trying to impose restrictions on where I’m allowed to go in my immediate residential area because my criminal ex is reporting me for harassment despite him entering the area in which I reside. The criminal ex partner lives [redaction made for legal reasons], I’ve never been near his address yet the police are permitting him to come near mine despite the history, and are basically telling me I’m not allowed to be on a road 290 yards from my front door during set times. I’ve never committed any crimes, I have no criminal records, and there is no evidence against me to enable such requests or demands to be made. Instead both of my ex partners have history of domestic abuse with all their previous partners, the criminal having also been imprisoned. I’ve tried taking these issues to PSD, IOPCC, and the Crime Commissioner but so far all are yet to respond or even acknowledge my complaints.
Any human rights and civil liberties have been breached in such an awful way, but it’s being facilitated because my ex husband is [rank redacted for legal reasons] who is rubbing shoulders with officers [redaction made for legal reasons]. The old boys club definitely still exists. They seem to be able to do whatever they want when they want and don’t even have to be accountable for their actions. My ex husband was also accused of sexual assault, previous controlling and coercive behaviour, and the incident regarding [redaction made for legal reasons] was stated to not even constitute a crime, and we were basically told that it would not be in the public interest despite the overwhelming evidence available.
I tried to expose this to a journalist who contacted the police for a right to reply regarding the story. The ex husband was made aware who then shared the sensitive information with my previous ex partner (the convicted criminal and abuser) who then took it upon himself to contact the journalist and write a slanderous email alleging all sorts against me, all of which were factually and evidentially incorrect. Both partners have been enabled to control my life, and continue their domestic abuse.
This is just a small snap shot regarding what we’ve been through, the detailed version is far more timely, but also far more horrific.
Constabulary: Kent Police
Timespan: [redaction made for legal reasons]
Did you report it to the police?: Yes
Your ethnicity: White British
Have you experienced suicidality due to this?: Prefer not to say
Are you disabled as defined under the Equality Act 2010?: No