Natalie | we dated for 12 weeks

I met him on a dating app, I can’t remember which one. I know now that there were red flags that I either ignored, didn’t see or didn’t realise were red flags at the time. He was full on immediately. He told me he loved that I was a “real woman”.

He was an aggressive kisser – you could put that down to just being a bad kisser but he tried to almost consume my whole jaw like he was eating me.

He liked to talk dirty and whilst I’m not into kink shaming this was not consensual and very early on (maybe on our 2nd date we were kissing and he’d be saying things in my ear) and I found it intimidating and scary, not arousing.

He would ask me to send him naked photos of myself even after I’d told him I didn’t want to and he’d get in a mood about it.

He’d try and insert two fingers into me when I told him to only use one because it hurt. He got in a mood because I ‘made him feel bad’.

He tried to do anal during sex even when I’d told him previously I didn’t want to.

He wanted me to do things that felt humiliating like coming on my face whilst I was kneeling on the floor with him stood above me and got in a mood when I didn’t want to.

He once wanted me to give him a blow job after he’d been on a long shift and hadn’t showered for 24hrs. He got in a mood when I told him I didn’t want to unless he showered first.

He showed me a sexually explicit photo he had that was supposed to be of himself with a previous girlfriend sat naked on his foot with it inside her. He told me he had this photo for ‘insurance’ because she was well known. He’d also sent this photo to a friend/colleague for safe keeping. It didn’t make sense to me.

When he talked to me and told me stories about his day I would often reply ‘uh huh’ as an indication that I was listening but he took it that I was patronising him.

He told me that when we first started dating he liked that I was a feminist but at the end he didn’t like that I kept pulling him up on stuff.

He had a fragile ego and issues around consent. He would definitely categorise himself as one of the good guys.


Constabulary: Metropolitan Police Service


Timespan: 2017


Did you report it to the police?: No


Your ethnicity: White British


Have you experienced suicidality due to this?: No


Are you disabled as defined under the Equality Act 2010?: No

Illustration by Danny Noble

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