Muddles | Closing ranks

In 2007 I was assaulted by an employer I was a free-lancer for. A month later I developed a UTI and haematuria, so I visited my GP, first disclosure. The GP was only concerned that I report to the police, this took up most of the appointment, talking about reporting. I carried on in my 25yr career but my emotions were uncontrollable, crying when any slightest sound, song on radio, reminded me of the assault.

Between 2017-2019 I became an alcoholic, not a label I was given but I own. A litre of vodka every 2 days, unemployable, in debt. Mental health services victim-shamed me, and then dumped “us”, the mentally unwell, in addiction services in the community. 3 years sober.

At my lowest point I declared I was suicidal, to a friend and family member. The police were actioned and kicked my door in, I was in bed, 11.30pm, 2 male officers shining torches in my face. Arrested put on a section 136 on a psychiatric ward 30 miles away.

I had no functional front door when I came home 48hrs later, wide open. After 5 nights and days of dragging a chest of drawers to barracade me in, I called the police to ask why having carried out a welfare check, and arrest, they had not secured the property and I had no front door to secure it. I was visited that evening by a very large police officer, this time with a WPO, he refused to come inside, I gave my complaint, he told me it was not police services’ job in cases of welfare checks. I became slightly upset, tearful and frightened, not aggressive. The officer tapped his Tazer, to indicate to me that he was, essentially armed. It was subtle but we both got his message. I watch people’s hand movements a lot since the assault, for signs I will be hit, so he used that non-verbal (alerting me to the fact he was armed) communication to threaten me at that time I believe.

2 months later I had saved for a joiner to fix and secure , the door still has splits all the length down it. That was 2019, I haven’t left my flat since. Scuttling to shops last thing for food, scuttling home again. It’s not a life, and I am not the woman I was.


Constabulary: North Yorkshire Police


Timespan: 2011- 2018


Did you report it to the police?: No


Your ethnicity: White British

Image by Danny Noble

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