Lorraine | Cruel & coercive

My story comes in 2 parts. Before my daughter was born & after. I was in a 7 year relationship with a serving police officer who I was totally besotted with. It’s true that the worse they treat you the more you are besotted by them. I was police staff. I let myself be persuaded to let him take intimate pictures of me which he said were just for him. Some months later I came home from a late shift to find that he’d posted them on a website in order to find someone to have sex with me whilst he watched. I was horrified & asked him to remove them. He refused & said if I loved him then I would do it as it was his one fantasy. I kept refusing, he kept pestering & said if I didn’t he would find someone who would. I gave in. During the ordeal he filmed it & when it was over he said “next time I want there to be more men” I broke down & was physically sick. I wish I’d had the courage to leave him at that point but I didn’t.
Some months later he started saying he wanted me to have his baby & though I had 2 children with my ex husband I didn’t want any more but he persisted again saying that he would find a younger model who would do as he wanted. So again I gave in. My mum & my 2 daughters were completely taken in by this man as he could be very charming when he wanted to. Only 1 friend of mine knew what he was truly like as I couldn’t confide in anyone at work as he was rising through the ranks. Then when I was 4 months pregnant he came home & said he’d changed his mind basically & I should get rid of “it”. He eventually left me & then I found out he’d been having an affair with another colleague. Then started months of intimidating behaviour & harassment from both of them. I reported it to our [senior rank – redacted for legal reasons] who said he wasn’t having an affair as he & I had never married. I had to take an unpaid career break as my family live hundreds of miles away from me & police friends were scared of him. It goes on & on! I returned to work when my youngest daughter started school & always was wary of talking to people or bumping into him. He eventually became [senior rank – redacted for legal reasons] & no-one was ever going to challenge him.

My daughter is now 20 and he wouldn’t know her if he bumped into her in the street. He has never seen her. When she was 11 she wrote to him as she was doing family trees at school. He never replied. When she was 16 she sent a FB Messenger message to his now wife & though there were other choices for them to make they decided to report her to the police. 2 police officers turned up at our house & warned her off ever contacting him again. As a result my daughter has severe anxiety & depression. Why would anyone do that to their young daughter? There is so much more that has happened but I truly feel that the police have it all wrong. I took early retirement in [redaction made for legal reasons] as he retired as [senior rank – redacted for legal reasons] & walked into a job he created in the police as a [redaction made for legal reasons]. This made him my 3rd line manager & I no longer felt safe in my job. The powers that be wouldn’t support me.

Constabulary: Gloucestershire Constabulary

Timespan: Spanning over 20 years to me & then my daughter

Did you report it to the police?: Yes

Your ethnicity: White British

Have you experienced suicidality due to this?: No

Are you disabled as defined under the Equality Act 2010?: No

illustration by Danny Noble

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