Lily | Childhood abuse

My biological father is/was a high ranking police officer.
He physically and verbally abused me throughout my childhood. He choked me, beat me, dragged me down the stairs by my hair. He smashed my face into a plate. He would accuse me of things I didn’t do so he had an excuse to be violent. The more I cried the harder he hit me, he enjoyed it. He used to tell me I was lucky because he wasn’t coming into my room at night to rape me, I was under 10. He also used to hit me because I was too fat. I spent my childhood terrified of what he would do next. I started self harming at 8 as a way to cope with the hopelessness I felt.

The first time I tried to kill myself to get away from him I was 12. I tried again at 13. When I reached 15 I was sent to an adolescent psychiatric unit. My parents tried to keep it secret but I managed to get in contact with the outside world. The truth then began to come out; all the referrals sent to social services by the school, the local hospital and concerned parents of my friends who saw the injuries that were ignored because ‘policemen don’t do that to their daughters’. This is a direct quote from my childhood social worker. Once he realised that the unit were going to take it further he wrote a letter to social services relinquishing parental responsibility and dumped me like a piece of trash. I have tried at various times to report him to my local police force but they weren’t interested. They ignored me, despite the evidence. At the end of the day police protect their own and people like me are collateral damage. We don’t matter.

Constabulary: N/A or Prefer not to say

Timespan: Before the turn of the millennium

Did you report it to the police?: Yes

Your ethnicity: Prefer Not To Say

Have you experienced suicidality due to this? Attempted suicide more than once

Illustration by Danny Noble

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