Clare | Rape, violence and control

Shortly after giving birth, my ex husband began raping me whilst I was asleep and then became aggressive when I woke and told him to stop. I suffered lots of bruising (of which I have photos) and I was an absolute wreck and not sleeping, and when I tried to leave or tell my ex he was hurting me and scaring me he would restrain me and tell me no one would ever believe me due to his job. He was extremely controlling; I was locked in the house on numerous occasions and bullied everyday, and told the children would be taken off me. He also made sure to discredit me to anyone who would listen by telling everyone I was “mental”. I felt so trapped. I eventually managed to leave and then he began using childcare arrangements, finances and the family courts to control me. His friends turned up to 999 calls, I was interview by a friend for the rape investigation, I had a comment added to my DBS that I was controlling childcare arrangements! Not a crime, and not something I was made aware of, probably added by a friend of my ex.

My ex partner was never arrested, never placed on restricted duties and had full access to his taser at all times, in fact the police have told me he can bring his taser to handovers with me if he’s in uniform.
I was treated like absolute scum by the police. There were a few officers who were sympathetic but still not willing to stand up for me against their friends and colleagues.

There was lots of evidence but the police chose to excuse it all. I was placed as high risk from further domestic abuse from him, however during family court proceedings the police force he works for refused to allow this information to be shared with Cafcass or the Judge, resulting in an unsafe decision being made.

I also had screenshots of a current police WhatsApp group of racist and misogynistic messages and this was not taken seriously and instead all the officers were given my full name and details as this is apparently their right; I would never phone the police now. I’m still suffering today as a result of how the incidents were dealt with unfairly, and my ex partner is now even more dangerous and arrogant due to feeling untouchable, which he absolutely is.

Constabulary: Nottinghamshire Police

Timespan: 2017 onwards

Did you report it to the police?: Prefer not to say

Your ethnicity: White British

Have you experienced suicidality due to this?: Thoughts/feelings

Are you disabled as defined under the Equality Act 2010?: No

illustration by Danny Noble

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