Bee | The Police [redaction made for legal reasons] Ruined My Life

After being in a committed relationship for approximately 6 years, we had built a picture perfect life together – a family home, 2-3 holidays a year, children, an investment property, striving to a bright future. I didn’t see the signs at the time, but the gaslighting, degradation and coercive control was dehabilitating. Trapped, scared and filled with his shame, I was living an internal nightmare whilst outwardly I had everything I could ever have wanted. I tried to let someone know, but no one truly heard me, whilst others told me I was overreacting and that it doesn’t happen in LGBT relationships.

The physical abuse was the next step and inciting fear in me through threats and intimidation of a sexual nature. Everything came to a head, but what I thought was going to be the thing to save me was actually professionals colluding with him, scapegoating me for not leaving or help-seeking, deflecting his behaviours onto me and twisting it to discredit my professionalism. I lost my home, my investment, my job, my sanity, dignity, sense of self, I lost my children, I lost my everything. I nearly didn’t survive but have managed to keep surviving through the post separation abuse.

Unbelievably he still works as a Police [redaction made for legal reasons] and runs the [redaction made for legal reasons]. He has walked away unscathed, protected by his colleagues, his friends in the force, and never held to account for the trauma and devastation he put me and my children through, for nearly ending my life. Where is the accountability? Why is he still in a position of power and trust? How did the Police brush this under the carpet and never investigate him? Even now more than 3 years later he is trying to ruin my life, trying to control me, getting a kick out of exerting power over people for his own gratification. The Police cannot keep us safe if the Police themselves are dangerous perpetrators!

Constabulary: Cumbria Constabulary

Timespan: 3 years ago

Did you report it to the police?: Yes

Your ethnicity: White British

Have you experienced suicidality due to this?: Attempted suicide more than once

Are you disabled as defined under the Equality Act 2010?: Yes

Illustration by Danny Noble

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